Lancer's Lunch
by Ry22
Summary: In response to a challenge issued by the genius, Mrs. Masters, the requirements being that someone had to fall in love with Mr. Lancer. And who better to fit this bill that the… Lunch Lady!
1. Prologue: Revenge

Lancer's Lunch

**A/N: This is my second fanfic, so no flames! ****If this seems like a 180 degree turn for my first fanfic, that's cuz it is:)****This is the prologue, so it sets the stage for the rest of the Lunch Lady's antics (word of the day).**

**Summary: In response to a challenge issued by the genius, Mrs. Masters, the requirements being that someone had to fall in love with Mr. Lancer. And who better to fit this bill that the… Lunch Lady!**

Chapter 1: Revenge

_Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom, or any of the characters on the show._

_(1__st__ Person POV- Lunch Lady)_

'_Hmm, that man has a good taste in MEAT. This steak is almost as good as mine was,' _I thought before greedily making his steak part of my meat monster of doom.

Afterward, I felt an unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach: Guilt! But I am a GHOST! We don't feel empathy like our weaker humans.

I launched into battle with a renewed vigor, trying to erase the guilt by erasing the child that changed the menu.

Then, another ghost came out of nowhere_. 'Great, he can help me!' _I thought before he suckedme into a lunch thermos. After attempting to phase out, I cursed this new ghost for making LUNCH turn on ME!

During the long, bumpy ride to wherever the other ghost was taking me, I surrendered to the fact that I won't get out until HE decides it, so I took my time and relaxed.

"Why didn't Lancer change the menu back? Or give kids a choice between the two? Didn't you guys see how all the meat for the meat monster came from the teacher's lounge?" I heard a whiny male voice complain.

"Yeah," chorused a male and female voice, one that I recognized as my captor.

My captor knew the man with the good taste in MEAT, Lancer wasn't it? It would be the perfect revenge, my anonymous captor and on Boxy for making a move on Pandora. For the rest of the ride, I plotted and formulated to be ready the time I would be released.

**A/N: Th capital letters mean the Lunch Lady is shouting to the heavens.**

**Please Review! I can take constructive criticism!**


	2. Lost and Found

Chapter 2: Entering Phase 1

**A/N: I love writing fanfics, but there might be more time in between the chapters. I didn't realize that Track starting would have this bad an effect on my writing. But I'll try to do the best I can:)**

_Disclaimer: I doubt anyone reads the disclaimer, but here it is as always. I do not own Danny Phantom or any related characters (i.e. The Lunch Lady and Mr. Lancer)._

_(1__st__ Person POV- The Lunch Lady)_

'_Where to look for long lost relatives?' _I pondered. '_Of course! Chicago, the MEAT packing capital of the WORLD!'_

The flight took several hours. After my arrival, I was tired for flying that fast (I almost hit 50 mph! *****) for that long, so I took a nap in one of the larger MEAT plant.

After coming to my senses, I set out on my quest to find a relative that resembles me, to make my human charade more believable when I overshadow her.

Only this phase has several flaws. One, my powers don't let me overshadow people for more than an hour; I need to find another was to CONTROL my hostess. Two, I had no idea where in this city my long lost great great niece, or whatever she is.

First, I need to find her. After checking out all the local cafeterias, I finally found her in a school auditorium, giving a lecture on the HISTORY of MEAT. She is almost as gorgeous as MYSELF**! I sat down and watched eagerly as she discussed _The Jungle._

I looked over to my right to see a sleeping twelve year old. '_Poor child. He needs more MEAT in his diet,' _I thought. I tried to wake him up, but a moment too late, I remembered I was invisible. The boy hit the child next to him, resulting in a full-fledged fight. Everyone, including the faculty, stopped listening to my human relative to either watch or break up the fight.

Now wouldn't be the right time. An ENTIRE school would be witness to the capture. But it will be soon…

**A/N: Review por favor (and no, I'm not going to change the language to Spanish)**

***I figured since she is considered a weaker ghost, she wouldn't be able to fly as fast as Danny, but still fly faster than a human can run.**

****Lunch Lady for she looks almost exactly like me. Just picture the Lunch lady with salt and pepper hair, dark blue (almost navy) eyes, and peach skin with a red undertone.**


	3. Sisters and Souls

Chapter 3: Sisters and Souls

**A/N: So sorry for the inconsistencies. The long-lost relative is just her niece, not great great niece. I'm really sorry:( Also, this chapter is slightly religious, so be warned. Finally, I changed the rating to K+ because this chapter contains violence.**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom or any related characters, but the Lunch Lady's niece is my. Feel free to use her in any of your fics but please PM me the title cuz I'd luv to read you story:)_

_(1__st__ Person POV- The Lunch Lady)_

My great great niece, whose visitor's tag read Ms. Husleoff, darted back stage and burst out in tears. My immediate reaction was to pat her on the back, but being invisible, I decided against it.

WAIT! I was feeling HUMAN again. GHOSTS don't feel sympathy!

Still, I decided to try to make her feel better. Resisting the urge to ask her, I placed a cookie on a paper plate and set it next to her. After looking around to make sure no one was watching her, she gobbled it up in one bite.

At that moment, Ms. Husleoff reminded me so much of my twin sister. Alice was always the smart, prettier one. When I told my parents I wanted to be a school lunch lady, she told them she wanted to be a meat inspector. When I stayed single, she married a rich engineer and had a beautiful daughter. It seemed like she always had to one up me, even in death.

I remember the way we died together. I had just been promoted to head lunch lady. As soon as heard the good news, I called my sister to brag. Overjoyed at my success, she made the 45 minute drive to the school I was working at, Casper High. As we greeted and embraced each other, a jealous coworker set the kitchen on fire and locked the two of us inside. When we decided there was no way to escape, she yelled to me, "You know Barb, I've always looked up to you and wanted to be as good as you." The boiler exploded, leaving my spirit with a lifetime worth of jealousy and the guilt of knowing I killed my sister by bragging.

As a ghost, I went invisibly to her funeral. I stole some flowers and left them on a table. Afterward, everyone went to a different room for my funeral. All the guests were crying, so nobody my sobs. I wondered where Alice was that was more important than our funerals.

Then, everything froze. Another ghost appeared, telling me that some dead, the ones that have pure souls, move on to Heaven, and that my sister was one of them. I thanked him for his time, then he left and the mourners resumed their weeping. I spent the night in my apartment, weeping. By the morning, all the sadness was gone. I killed Amy's and my murderer, and her entire family. The next ten years, I haunted the Casper High cafeteria. Then, I settled down enough to return to the Ghost Zone, but I still kept tabs on the schools. When someone changed the menu, I reentered the Human Zone to kill her, where this story starts.

**A/N: Please review!**


	4. Crossroads

Chapter 4: Crossroads

_**A/N: Wow! The chapters keep getting longer and longer. This story has a mind of its own:) Has anyone wondered why I haven't revealed the Lunch Lady's niece's first name? Wait no longer!**_

_Disclaimer: I don't own _Danny Phantom_ or any related characters, despite the fact that I'm writing a story about some… Oh well. The Lunch Lady's niece and sister are mine. Feel free to use her in any of your fics but please PM me the title cuz I'd luv to read your story:)_

I was so lost in thought that I almost missed Ms. Husleoff get up and head toward what I can only assume is her car. '_I cant get her now. I don't know how to drive!' _I thought to myself as I phased through the passenger door and sat down next to her. It was a silent ride, but not really awkward because I'm a ghost and she can't see me.

The car pulled up to an apartment complex much like my old building. I was stumped until I remembered it WAS my old building. '_I left it to Alice, so I should have realized my niece would inherit it!'_ I mentally groaned. I could have just sat around the apartment doing nothing all day!

Slightly curious about my niece, I looked around the apartment. Not much had changed. The pantry was stocked with cookies, while the fridge was filled with many different types of meat. The couches were the same ugly floral pattern that came in the apartment, only more faded. There were only two real differences. My meat lover cookbooks were gone in favor of books about meat history, all by Dr. Barbra Alice Husleoff. Also, the walls were almost covered in picture of my niece and sister. I noticed some looked like something was torn off.

After searching under her bed, I finally found the answer. Her dad had left her here when she was eighteen, stealing everything else except this worthless place. _'He moved on without her. That's so sad. Despite me using her body, I want to do everything in my power to make her mother's death up to her,' _I thought, ignoring how weak that sounded.

By that time, she was finished with her shower and ready for bed. I was almost going to reveal myself to her when another invisible ghostly visitor entered the room. I dashed behind her nightstand and then peeped around the corner to see who it was. _'Boxy!'_ I thought, my eyes shooting daggers though the back of his head.

His silently flew though the window, flying to sit on her bed. He gently kissed her forehead and whispered, "You look so much like my beautiful Lunchie. Why did I ever let her go?" He started sobbed silently.

'_What should I do?' _I internally debated. '_I can welcome Boxy back into my life with open arms and forget that random ghost who locked me into a soup thermos, or proceed with my plan for revenge.'_

**A/N: Sorry, I just notice Lancer isn't anywhere in any of these recent chapters. But don't worry. He will be back. Please review!**


	5. Deal or No Deal

Chapter 5: Deal or No Deal

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to one of my best friends in the entire world BlueDoughnut42 for my extreme use of sarcasm. Enjoy!**

_Disclaimer: I don't own _Danny Phantom_ or any related characters. The Lunch Lady's niece and sister are mine. Feel free to use her in any of your fics but please PM me the title cuz I'd luv to read your story:) I also don't own Jeopardy_

_(1__st__ Person POV)_

I sat contemplating for 15 minutes. Finally, I knew what I have to do. I will miss Boxy so much, but this if for his own good as well as my own. He might try something like that again, and the Amity ghost would get off too EASY for messing with me.

So I stuck with the original plan. About 5 minutes after my choice was made, Boxy left.

I phased out of her apartment and knocked on her door. "One minute" was her response. Patiently waiting, I started humming the Jeopardy theme song to myself.

In the middle of the second verse, the door flung open. "How can I help… Oh my goodness gracious!" she screamed.

"Just let me in, I can explain," I soothed.

"Do I have a choice?" she mumbled as she led me into my old living room, then shut the door.

I know it was a rhetorical question, but I still responded, "No way in hay."

"What is going on? You look almost exactly like my aunt Barb!" She stated after the door was firmly shut.

"I need your help. I caught my boyfriend making a move on another woman and I want to make sure he won't do it again," I explained, not wanting to go into detail about getting my butt whooped by an unknown ghost.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked, sounding a little exasperated.

"Obviously, I am a ghost. I want to appear human to go on a couple dates with a different man, Mr. Lancer. Boxy haunts near a fancy restaurant, and he can see me even if I'm in your body. He will get extremely jealous and won't cheat on me again, knowing he can't take me leaving again," I said, hoping it would make sense to a mere human.

"How long and how often will you need my body?" she asked, not missing a beat.

"Only once a week, for an hour tops. And defiantly not during school hours because he's a teacher," I bargained.

"What if I say no?" she questioned.

"I kidnap you and don't let you live out the rest of your life normally," I responded, purposely trying to scare he.

"Deal," she agreed.

**A/N: Please review! All fellow authors know how much reviews mean to them :)**


	6. An Unexpected Ally

Chapter 6: An Unexpected Ally

**A/N: I don't want to be wasting anyone's time, yours or mine, so at least one review needs to be posted before I post another chapter. It would be sad to stop because only two chapters are left, but I'm putting my foot down. So please review!**

_Disclaimer: I don't own _Danny Phantom_ or any related characters._

_(1__st__ Person POV- __**Barbra Alice**__**Husleoff**__)_

"Where does this Mr. Lancer live anyway?" I said, trying to contain my excitement.

How magnificent is it that I get to be an ordinary meat historian by day and a ghostly meat puppet by evening? It will be an astounding adventure.

"Amity Park, which is several hours… uh oh," my aunt started groaning. "How the world am I supposed to get you there and back in the allotted time? Hmm, if I'm willing to pay the price, I think I can figure something out. See you tonight." Then she disappeared into thin air.

If someone told me yesterday I'd get a visit from my dead aunt and help her get revenge on her cheating boyfriend, I'd send him or her to an asylum. Now, I think I belong in one!

_(1__st__ Person POV- The Lunch Lady)_

'_Ember knows all about cheating beaus. Maybe she will help me,' _I thought. '_And where else would a ghostly rocker be but the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame!'_

I flew threw a couple skyscraper to a large guitar. There, on top of one of a peg, was Ember McLain.

So she wouldn't think I was trying to attack her, I turned visible and flew forward slowly, with my palms facing forward. "Hello Ember!" I called out.

She gave me a look like I'm some kind of vermin in her kitchen and said, "What do **you** want?"

I explained my situation, carefully leaving out the fact that another ghost captured me a soup thermos. What she doesn't know can't hurt her.

"Why do you need me?" she asked, her disgusted sneer replaced by confusion.

"You are an exponentially more powerful ghost than me. I need you to transport me to Amity Park and back instantaneously," I said, hoping flattery would work.

"And it's only until the Box Ghost sees you and gets jealous?"

"Yes. And I will owe you a favor of your choosing. You can even stay in my meat puppet's house," I offered, hoping my offer was tempting enough.

"Deal," Ember said, smiling maliciously.

I hope I won't regret this.

**A/N: For Ember fans, I'm sorry she's so OOC. Normally she never in a million years would help the Lunch Lady, but as I started this chapter I realized how awesome of a coincidence it was that the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is in Chicago AND that I needed a ghost who can transport.**


	7. Planning and Complaining

Chapter 7: Planning and Complaining

**A/N: Thank ImNoHeroImTheVillain for the review that continued this story. Two quick announcements:**

**First, I am planning on two more chapters and maybe a teeny tiny epilogue. But this is just a guess. I know how the story ends but I want to take my time getting there. My other two stories (Check them out!) got comments about them being rushed.**

**Second, I am glad that I got my comment really fast and it was really nice, so I won't wait for more comments to finish this. But I would still appreciate them.**

_Disclaimer: I don't own the copyright for Danny Phantom or any and all related characters. They belong to Butch Hartman, for now. I can't wait until they become public domain!_

_(1__st__ Person POV- Ember McLain)_

"Okay, because I'm the only one here with guy experience, I have devised a plan to make him ask you out, without overshadowing him," I told the twin freaks. Okay, so they aren't really, but they look so similar it's insane.

"I'm going to overshadow one of his students, and you will pretend to be her mom. Any questions?" I said as menacingly as I could, threating either one of them challenge me.

Of course, the meat puppet couldn't take a hint. "But we don't know when the next conference is, or if he personally knows the student you will pick's parents. A better idea is to have Ember overshadow one of his friends' wives to set you to up on a blind date," she said in a superior tone.

"Sorry Ember, but Barb does have a point. I think her plan would work the best," the Lunch Lady inputted meekly. At least she has enough sense to fear me.

I rolled my eyes. "Sure, whatever. All I am is transportation. I'll go set up the date. Does Friday at seven work?" I suggested, my glare daring the human to say no.

"That's perfect!" Barb exclaimed.

I calmed down a little, but she would still pay. Maybe her house needs a little Emberification*****. Skulls, speakers, the works.

Still excited, the Siamese dipsticks chattered about dresses, hair and make-up. Personally, I doubt anything will get Barb/Lunch Lady a second date with him if he's worth their fuss.

I transported off to do their dirty work. Whatever favor I'm going to make the Lunch Lady do for me, it better be worth this.

***Words are make-upable. **

**The Lunch Lady's POV is getting really annoying so please REVIEW with how you like the different POVs.**


	8. Falling In Love

Chapter 8: Falling... In Love

**A/N: Thanks again for the review, ImNoHeroImTheVillain! If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, please review. Even if you don't have an account, I have anonymous reviews enabled. Also, next chapter could very well be the last real one (I will do an epilouge) so please review so I know whether or not to do another one like this.**

_Disclaimer: I don't own _Danny Phantom_ or any related characters._

_(1__st__ Person POV- Barbra Alice Husleoff)_

Being overshadowed is an entirely unique experience. My soul was roughly forced out of most of my body, condensed to my brain. I can still see and hear what's going on in my surroundings. I can even form thoughts, as I am doing now. But movement and hearing my aunt's thoughts are impossible to me. I became a mere observer, but it was comforting to sit back and relax.

My aunt pretended to look around, then told the waiter, "I am meeting a gentleman by the name of Lancer this evening. Where is he sitting?"

"Come right this way," he complied.

When Auntie turned my head to look at the man sitting at the table the waiter was leading us/me/her to, my thoughts broke into chaos. I am in love.

_(1__st__ Person POV- The Lunch Lady)_

I love this body. It fits perfectly, seamlessly into my ghost form. I was shocked at how graceful I felt, wading through the sea of chairs. For the first time in my eternal afterlife, I feel like a child, or at least as amused as one.

Not dwelling on that, I looked up from my feet to a table with a handsome man, Mr. Lancer.

I had an amazing epiphany. When had I started to feel human-like emotions? Not when I was reunited with the daughter of my sister that I killed. When I stole this man's meat, I felt guilty. I had not launched on this quest too get revenge on Boxy. I had fallen in love with the man in front of me, smiling and waving. I chose Barb as my meat puppet so he could get as close to seeing the real me, without running away screaming. I am in love.

_(1__st__ Person POV- Mr. Lancer)_

Surprisingly, I'm actually excited for my date tonight. So much, in fact, that I arrived 30 minutes early. I ordered mozzarella sticks as an appetizer because face it, who doesn't like them?

Five minutes before my blind date (Jerry said that her name was something beginning with a "B"), I started to panic. _'What if she doesn't come,'_ I worried.

To distract myself, I started people watching. Behind a waiter, a beautiful lady was coming for my table. I am in love.

**A/N: How do you like the love triangle? Who do you think will get the man? Please Review!**


	9. Split Hearts

Chapter 9: Split Hears

**A/N: I am so proud that I'm getting these chapters up and written. For fellow writers, I HIGHLY recommend posting to-do list on your profile. It's really helped me become more organized.  
****Also, this is the last chapter, but I will post an epilogue.**

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Danny Phantom_ or any related character._

_(1__st__ Person POV- The Lunch Lady)_

The date went beautifully. Apparently, Mr. Lancer had read Barb's books and wanted to discuss them with her, so I gave Barb control for that discussion. For the rest of the date, Mr. Lancer and I chattered on like school kids. We talked about underfunding in schools lack of respect. It was so perfect that I almost believed that we were made for each other…

Until I got home and Barb started gushing about how he was so charming.

"And when he held my hand, I felt like a princess and he was my knight in shining armor," she told Ember, giggling like a little girl.

I'm so conflicted. I knew that if this plot had been to make Boxy more faithful, it was in vain. Boxy has, and always will be, disloyal. Despite this, he still loves me, even though I'm dead.

Lancer is the opposite. He is such a gentleman, he would never think of looking at another woman that way. From the way he spoke to me yesterday, I believe he's in love with me too. He could never love a ghost. Human media have instilled a deep-rooted fear of the dead. I was lucky enough that Barb was to involved in meat history to read the paper or watch the news about ghost attacks. I know the same is not true for Mr. Lancer.

And what about Barbra? I killed her mother, making her father leave as well. I messed up her childhood; don't I owe it to her and my sister's memory to make the rest of her life joyful?

The reason I am here as a ghost is that I was selfish. My sister had always loved and looked up to me, and I was to busy being jealous to notice. I wanted some praise, so I went and bragged to her, causing her death.

My heart was split; one part pushed me to Lancer, but the parts that love my sister, my niece, and my Boxy wanted to drag me away.

Dizziness started to set in, so I tried to escape into the bathroom without anyone noticing, with no avail. As I heaved ectoplasm into Barb's toilet, Ember held my hair, rubbed my back, and quietly murmured, "It will be fine. Everything's okay" over and over.

When I stopped, she asked me, "What's wrong."

Contemplating telling her, I bought myself some time by retorting, "Why would you care?"

She thought for a second, and then said, "When I was human, I will admit that I made some stupid mistakes*. That's why I'm a ghost. I don't want someone making the same mistakes."

Satisfied (and a little shocked!) with her answer, I proceeded to vent about everything, from Lancer to my sister. Ember was a good listener, nodding at the right times and asking the occasional question. By the time I was done, I didn't need to ask her advice. I knew what I needed to do.

***Read my story, **_**Ghostly Origins**_**, for my take on Ember's death**

**Please review! I left it as a cliffie on purpose. Do you like it?**


	10. Epilogue: Meant to Be

Epilogue: Meant to Be

**A/N: Thank you to all readers, even the ones who don't review. You made everything possible. Also, if you liked this story, you might also like one of my other fics. Check them out.**

_Disclaimer: I don't own _Danny Phantom_ or any related characters._

_(1__st__ Person POV- The Lunch Lady)_

_One year later…_

Not a day passed without thoughts of Barbra and Lancer. They haunted my dreams, or more correctly, my nightmares. Thoughts of them talking, of him leaning in to give her a peck on the cheek, were both savored and agonizing at the same time.

After making the hardest decision of my life, I voluntarily handed the love of my existence over to my only surviving relative, it took all my strength, courage, and raw willpower to float over to Boxy, knowing this could possibly be my very last time seeing him.

Imagine the surprise I felt when I floated into a picture of him. Or more correctly, it was a picture of him holding Barb's hand, with the words "You're Invited!" written at the top. Nervously, I turned over the card and read the short letter under the uniform date, time, and place:

_Dear Aunt,_

_ Thank you for everything! If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have met this man soon to be my husband. If you get this in time, I would love for you to attend and we can catch up if I get a spare moment. If not, I'm so sorry. Please drop by my new house with Lancer at 4444 Teacher Ln. I'd love to hear about you and Boxy!_

_Love,_

_B.A. Husleoff_

I checked the date._ 'Oh no! The weddings in five minute,'_ I thought, immediately panicking. I hurried into the portal I knew would be the fastest to Amity Park. I my hurry, I forgot to go invisible until a voice behind me yelled, "I'll tear you apart, molecule by molecule!" Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the portal.

I made it to the wedding in time to see Lancer kiss the bride. Every fiber of my ecoplasmic being wanted to overshadow Barb, just for that moment, steal just a second of his moist lips against mine. Fortunately, the kiss was brief, and my internal arguments kept me rooted in my place until it was over.

Not wanting to congratulate her until it was less likely to be overheard, I contented myself with people watching. It was a small wedding, with around twenty people in attendance. Most appeared to be people they knew from work, but a few people looked genuinely happy for the couple.

Surprisingly, I even spotted Ember hovering near the microphone that was being used by an old man, probably in his 70s. She congratulated me for making the right choice, but we soon parted company as the silence became increasingly more awkward.

Finally, Barb was able to get a second to herself. I chatted about how well the plan worked (Boxy hasn't cheated since); she talked about adopting a child.

When she asked me to visit, I told her yes. It isn't her fault I can't be with the man I love. I need to spend all the time possible with them because, odds are, they won't become ghosts; Barb will be able to introduce he husband to her mother in Heaven. In my heart, I knew everything was meant to be this way.

**A/N: Even though this story is done, I still would love reviews!**


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